THE GLOW-UP IS *REAL*: SCENE QUEENS THEN & NOW (+ WHO’S STILL TOTALLY CRUSHING IT)

Oh, MySpace. Anyone remember that?

Bulletins, profile songs, HTML editing & Top 8s with the power to start a war—those were the days…

Except not, because social media is still social media & even back then it had its problems (thanks, Tom).

But in a world before the term “influencer” was actually coined, they definitely still existed. And if you ever logged onto the Internet between the years of about 2006 to 2010, you more than likely remember seeing a few of them with bubble gum pink hair, pounds of eyeliner & some of the first high-profile obsessions with online self-promotion on the books. 

In the words of David Letterman, this next guest needs no introduction. Many of us were there & fortunately lived through it. Though either way there’s no ignoring what’s lived on as one of the most ridiculous fashion phases to hit the 21st century yet: scene kids. 

The mountains of hairspray, closets full of Vans, neon everything, Hello Kitty bows, coontail extensions, morbid alliterations, maxing out the contrast on photos taken from every above-the-head angle in existence & using dryer sheets to make your hair to stick to your face.

You remember the ones. 

Even though many of us thought it was a GREAT idea at the time, in hindsight, it was about as obnoxious as it gets. And while we have covered how some countercultures stick with you through thick & thin, this is one that – praise the sartorial gods – did not.

Which was definitely for the best. 

Although regardless of how you feel, there’s still no discounting the personal brands that several of the biggest “Scene Queens” managed to build. At the time, they were iconic. Their LiveJournals were must-reads. And even though some eventually fell into the chasms of irrelevance – for others, it was only the beginning of what career milestones they’d go on to hit.

Seriously, who woulda thought???

JAC VANEK

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If you remembered all the things as previously mentioned above, then you most def remember the scene staple that was a Jac Vanek rubber bracelet. Arguably now poised with the most mainstream success of them all, Jac was a true pioneer in the scene – starting with her relationship with OG P!ATD guitarist Ryan Ross (UGH, throwback swoons).

Even though she was sometimes interpreted as nothing more than a Warped Tour band groupie, she’s actually always been the most entrepreneurial of the bunch. After years of raking in the dough from her personal merch brand, she’s now 1/3rd of the mega-popular podcast (& former E! show) LadyGang & has expanded her apparel brand to a few little stores you may have heard of – like Nasty Gal, Topshop & Zumiez. 

NBD.

AUDREY KITCHING

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Similar to Jac, Audrey is another one who staked her claim to scene fame from the start. After gaining online traction from being a teenage model-turned-blogger, she quickly rose to Internet popularity for her notoriously polarizing sense of style. As years went on she (& her look) started to separate from the scene, but that was far from the end of her time in the limelight.

Ditching the hot pink hair for more cotton candy vibes & trading Skelanimals shoots for astrological studies, she’s spent the last several years transitioning her brand into the spiritual space. Armed with her new age lifestyle company Crystal Cactus & an insane Instagram feed that’s straight out of an alien dream, she’s certainly come a long way from the plastic tiara days.

JEFFREE STAR

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I know we’re all dumbfounded “Fame & Riches, Rehab Bitches” didn’t get that Grammy nom back in 2009, but Jeffree Star is another former SQ who’s still going surprisingly strong. Instead of falling off the face of the earth as could have easily been an option, he swapped MySpace for YouTube & has since become one of the highest paid vloggers in the world.

Initially reinventing his online empire with the help of makeup tutorials, Jeffree went on to launch Jeffree Star Cosmetics in 2014…which subsequently has become a multi-million dollar company. And despite his seeming habit of picking fights with the likes of Kat Von D, Too Faced Cosmetics, Kylie Jenner…oh yeah & Kim too, one can’t deny the success he’s managed to find.

HANNA BETH

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Once an influencer, always an influencer – or at least, that seems to be the case with Hanna Beth! Reining as one of the top queens (next to Audrey, of course) proved to be a stellar warm-up, since she’s now pivoted to the great, wide world of social à la Insta. From what I gather, the ‘gram is about as far as it goes (minus her winning stint on the short-lived E! competition reality show House of DVF), but hey, she’s doing her thing. And seems to be pretty content with how it’s all going.

KIKI KANNIBAL

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Unlike the four we’ve mentioned so far, Kiki Kannibal (AKA Kirsten Ostrenga) is one that might be more ‘know the face, not the name’.

She definitely had the hair on lock & we give her mad entrepreneur points as well with those signature diamond necklaces. But if Kiki were a Friends episode, she would unfortunately come to be “The One Who Played With Fire” – as crazily chronicled by Rolling Stone a few years back.

Contrary to the rest of this squad who were at least in their twenties at the time, she was on the opposite end of the spectrum at only 14. Needless to say, it turned into a pretty gnarly path of death threats, abuse & creeps to the extreme, so now she’s moved onto a better, (slightly) more private way of life. Which apparently includes vlogging, environmental consciousness, veganism & being a fiery sprite.

ZUI SUICIDE

(Image Sources: 1 & 2)

And lastly, there’s Zui Suicide. While her sticking fame has always been a little more understated than the rest, she certainly had her own knack when it came to social media savvy. In addition to starring alongside Audrey in the YouTube reality show (I guess we’ll call it?) Trashy Life, she was also one of the first official Suicide Girls! Which is pretty cool. But instead of posing for Hot Topic, it seems a lot of her time nowadays is dedicated to #momlife.

With the occasional photoshoot still sprinkled in, too.

Well hopefully that was a nice little trip down memory lane. Getting caught up on all the things you hadn’t thought about for a good eight years – & are just as happy to never think about again.

Guys, it was bleak. But we made it! And our hair still thanks us for the reprieve.

Cheers to glowing up.

xxAA

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HOW TO THROW A BANG-UP, THRIFTY BRUNCH FOR YOUR CAT! (OR ANYONE ELSE)

HAPPY CHERIVERSARY!!!

As of today, it’s officially been two whole years since this crazy little maniac splashed her way into our lives. So naturally, we had to celebrate the occasion in style!

Brunch style, to be exact.

After some epic menu planning, vibe coordinating & purchasing a LOT of cheap champagne, the Cheriversary brunch bash was born. And I have to say, it turned out to be prettty epic.

Even though I’m obsessed with the idea of entertaining (past life experience, I’m sure), I honestly haven’t yet had a ton of opportunities to throw ~bigger deal~ get-togethers of my own. So despite having to exercise self-restraint at every turn (i.e. no metallic balloons that spelled out “CHER”), it was major fun figuring out how to orchestrate a five-star fab gathering- while also not breaking the bank.

Sure, a bottomless pocketbook is nice, but getting creative is where all the fun is anyway. So we’re here to discuss some of the tips & tricks that helped make this mission possible:

MIMOSA BAR

Who doesn’t love a good mimosa bar? Monsters, that’s who. When it comes to hosting, no matter how big or small, mimosas are ALWAYS a fantastic option. You can go however all out or reined in you’d like in terms of selection, and they can be relatively inexpensive, too!

((if you’re down for J. Roget))

For this round, I filled glass carafes (s/o to the 99-cent store) with orange, cranberry & limeade juices plus fresh mint & insanely thin-sliced jalapeños for garnish. With so many fun juices available nowadays, they’re super fun to play around with. Although, if you get a little turned off by how concentrated & sugary some of them can get, I always like to have sparkling flavored water on hand to help cut it. Extra flavor, a few less calories- it’s a win-win.

EVERYTHING BAGEL & LOX CROSTINIS

The original idea was to use bagel chips. But news flash: BAGEL CHIPS ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND. In Burbank, at least. Who knew. Though luckily these garlic butter-drenched crostini’s flew in to save the day, & it totally worked just the same. 

Topped with whipped cream cheese, some slices of TJ’s smoked salmon, slivers of red onion, a caper & everything bagel seasoning…in the words of Rachel Zoe: I die. We die. Ugh, so good.

HASHBROWN CUPS

And speaking of Trader Joe’s, I swear they have the BEST frozen tots. Don’t ask me why, it’s just a fact. So sticking two of them into each pit of a mini muffin tin to bake for ten minutes, then squishing them into cups topped with sausage &/or cheese to finish baking for another ten was next-level. Plain & simple.

MINI GREEN CHILE QUICHES

Two words: PRAISE MARTHA. I’ve never made quiche before, so obviously doing it for a crowd sounds like a great setting to first attempt. But with the help of OG lifestyle guru Martha Stewart, it went off without a hitch. 

Spring boarding off of this basic recipe, I customized our mini quiche moment with bacon, mushrooms, green chiles & some cheese…which will definitely linger in my dreams for the next two weeks, minimum. Coupled with these Cher-approved, leopard print, oven-safe ramekins, it was the perfect nucleus of the menu.

Science. 

BLOOD ORANGE OLIVE OIL CAKE

While I do love a good bake sesh, there was a ton of other stuff to do. So for even the most novice of bakers, an olive oil cake can do the trick! It’s fairly simple to throw together & best of all, there’s no complicated frosting job required. You basically bake it upside down, plop it out onto a cake stand (in my case, a $2 matching charger plate hot glued onto a candle stick- it worked so well) & bask in the beauty that is caramelized blood orange topping.

…& GRAPES

I thought long & hard about a glam, Pinterest-inspired fruit platter, only to remember how awkwardly expensive fruit always is. So we settled for grapes, which actually ended up being a perfect accoutrement to satisfy the brunchy craving.

I mean you have graduations, birthdays, retirements, whatever. But “gotcha days”? They’re the best of them all. So even if your familiar’s anniversary isn’t anytime soon, hopefully you can get down with these tips & feel the need to go throw a brunch for them anyway.

And if there’s anything else as equally fantastically psycho you’ve ever done for your pet, please do tell.

I’m always looking for inspiration.

xxAA

5 SURPRISING CELEBS THAT WERE GOTH (AT ONE POINT), TOO!

Teens in 2000 to 2009: IT’S NOT A PHASE, MOM

2019: … *Spotify Year In Review is filled with all the same music*

Regardless if you’re one to still let your freak flag aesthetically fly, or keep it reined in to your playlists & choice of nail polish, the fact is we’re in exceptionally good (& large!) company when it comes to the roster of current- & former-goths.

Hopping onto the bandwagon for shallow reasons was always one thing, but I am a HUGE believer that any genuine alternative “phase” (not a phase) is something that potentially sticks with you forever. 

Time is a thing. So eventually you grow out of the angsty teenage years, set sail into the workforce, evolve your style & may or may decide to bring the aesthetic along with you. But even if you trade in your blue hair for blowouts, & industrial dancing cred for an ergonomic office chair, it doesn’t mean that part of you doesn’t continue to play a role.

Way back when in those god-awful grade-school years, we were all drawn to whatever scene for a reason. Whether it was the music, the movies, the themes or philosophies held by its people, there were crystal-clear reasons why your little black sheep heart chose the pop-cultural path it did. And here you are, metamorphosed into the slightly less fledgling of a freak that stands today!

No doubt, it’s been a wild ride. Although I think it’s important to stay true to & relish in the things you KNOW have always stuck near & dear to your heart. No matter when you discovered them…& no matter what type of highly questionable hairstyle you inevitably sported at the time (did I mention we’ve all teeth-clenchingly been there?).

Which is why my rant is officially over & it’s now time to remember that celebrities are hilariously no different. 

Seriously! When you think “goth” celebs, of course there’s Kelly, Winona, Taylor Momsen – you know, the ~obvious~ suspects who’ve never fully abandoned their dark-friendly looks. Then, there are the A-listers like Taylor Swift who have ONE old MySpace picture with dark hair that the Internet freaks out about & claims it was a “it’s not a phase, mom” phase. Ugh, insane. 

BUT those aside, I wanted to pull the curtain back on a few of the more unsuspecting peeps. Like the ones you never would have guessed they took their looks to the dark side at one point or another.

Because as I mentioned, we’ve all teeth-clenchingly been there !!!

So let’s begin:

CHRISTINA HENDRICKS

Image Source

Office Manager of a 1960s ad agency is a bit of a pivot from the obligatory brooding-teen-goth-in-the-woods pic, but hey, she undoubtably rocked it! From Mad Men to Good Girls, to one of the voices in Toy Story 4 (none of which I’ve actually seen but a lot of people seem to like !) Christina Hendricks has definitely come a long way from her jet black-laden days.

ELIZABETH HURLEY

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Definitely a punk if there ever was one, Elizabeth Hurley spent quite a time raging against the cultural grain, without question. Of course, we all know the British bombshell from The Royals, Austin Powers & ~most importantly~ Gossip Girl, but before her modeling debut, she was all about this bold, badass & gravity-defying look.

MELISSA MCCARTHY

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So even though Melissa McCarthy somehow went from cheerleader to mega-goth overnight, we have to at least give her props for some apparently major commitment. According to her husband & fellow actor/comedian Ben Falcone, the Gilmore Girls & Bridesmaids alumna donned a “really scary” kabuki-makeup/blue-hair/black-coat-in-the-summer situation throughout some of her high school years. So wish we had a pic of that!

CATE BLANCHETT

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Who doesn’t love a gal with a good buzz cut, am I right? Probably taking the cake of most unrecognizable is the too-many-roles-to-count superstar Cate Blanchett. Citing her pale skin as one of the biggest things she celebrated during the time (girl, we feel), she proudly represented the Aussie goths & now has a million prestigious acting awards to show for it.

ANDREW YANG

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And arguably one of the most surprising of them all, the prez candidate himself- Andrew Yang. Revealing his truth as a full-on “ex-goth” via Twitter earlier in 2019, he included his fave bands of the time & a few pics of the long(ish), greasy hair. A few months later another pic surfaced showing a pretty hefty dose of guyliner as well. But apparently that one was just a Halloween costume.

Embarrassing baby goth photos = SO much to love.

We wouldn’t be where we are now without them. So what’s the best-worst fashion memory you have?

Mine was definitely the great “scene hair” pandemic of 2009…

xxAA

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THE BEST HOMEMADE CHEX MIX EVER

Is anyone else still trying to catch up from the holidays, or is it just me?

Ugh, seriously. It’s great. It’s fun. Wouldn’t trade it for the world, but MAN – routines sure do get messed up. Which is why it’s January & I’m ~just now~ getting around to posting about yet another timeless, top winter tradition: HOMEMADE CHEX MIX!

((even though it’s totally fitting any day of the year))

It all started back five, six…maybe seven years ago when I launched into the ultimate mental quest to come up with the perfect little holiday gesture for friends, the fam & neighbors. Of course there’s always cookies & chocolate, but everyone already has enough of that come this time of year (I guess from all of the other people trying to come up with the perfect little holiday gesture, too?). 

So if we’re not going sweet, then all roads clearly lead to salty…which means figuring out how to make what’s only the most rich, delicious & supremely perfect bar/party/alone-in-your-bed-at-3AM snack ever. And we did it! So now we share.

Because hello, the world NEEDS Chex Mix. And we aren’t monsters…

// INGREDIENTS //

+ 2.5 c corn Chex

+ 2.5 c wheat Chex

+ 2 c pretzels 

+ 1/2 c Goldfish (or other cheese cracker)

+ 1/2 c raw almonds 

+ 4 T butter (or Earth Balance for all my vegan peeps)

+ 2 T Worcestershire sauce (again, could easily swap for a vegan version)

+ 1-2 T hot sauce

+ 1 T chile-garlic sauce (optional but GREAT)

+ 1 T seasoned salt

+ 1 t granulated garlic

+ 1/2 t granulated onion

+ dashes of black pepper, chile powder, cayenne

// WHAT TO DO //

++ Combine the Chex, pretzels, Goldfish & almonds in a large (& I mean large) mixing bowl. Then, line a large baking sheet with aluminum foil & start preheating the oven to 250ºF.

++ Melt the butter on the stovetop or in the microwave & mix in all of the sauces & spices.

++ Pour the delicious butter/sauce/spice mix over the dry ingredients & gently stir until everything is coated.

++ Pour the coated mix onto the baking sheet & spread it out to get as thin of a layer as possible.

++ Bake in the oven for one hour & 15 minutes, stirring the mix every 15 minutes.

++ Remove from the oven & let cool for about 15 additional minutes.

Now, if you’re planning to keep it all to yourself, then simply Tupperware it up & try to resist engulfing the whole batch in one sitting. But if it’s a gift, then you can trick out some easy-to-find (& super cheap!) glass jars with a customized tag, some ribbon & hot-glued trim all the around…

Like this FAUX FURRY TRIM we scored this past year in festively chic emerald & ruby colors!

Yes, our neighborhood was probably a little confused to find an army of furry jars filled with snacks descend upon their front porches, but hey, that’s the fun, right?

xxAA

NEW YEAR TAROT CARD SPREAD

Happy New Year, my msft party people!

It’s time to say hello to all the ~n3w year, n3w me~ posts because 2020 has officially arrived. 

((( as mind-blowingly WEIRD as that still feels to say )))

Now, it’s not like we ~don’t~ have just as corny yet super relevant resolutions as the next guy; but in addition to vowing to schlep to the gym a little more often & maybe make one less mimosa every now & again, another always-fun way to kickstart a brand-new year is with a good ol’ fashioned tarot spread. 

IDK about you, but after jotting down all the fresh, fierce goals in mind for the shiny year, it only feels natural to then flip perspective on its head. Sure, you’ve set sights on what you’d like to come of the next 12 lunar cycles, but what about what the cosmos has up its own sleeve?

That’s where our New Year-specific spread comes into play. 

Before the low-key panic starts to set in – breathe easy. This is not one of those crazy complicated, sometimes intimidating, how-the-hell-am-I-ever-going-to-remember-all-of-this kind of spreads. Oh no. This one, in all reality, couldn’t GET any simpler. So wipe those beads of sweat off your furrowed brow & let’s dive right in!

First off – as always – you want to clear out your cards (AKA knock on them three times) & give them a good, thorough shuffle. And if you can’t shuffle, cue splattering them around the ground to move around & restack because seriously, we can’t all be Vegas Black Jack dealers, right?

Next, neatly fan them out in a line or circle across a table, the floor or whatever else that works best for you.

While concentrating on the question “what does this next year have in store for me?”, say the phrase out loud & pick out 13 cards, one at a time. As you select them, place each one in order along the pattern below, with the final card placed by itself at the bottom.

Hooray – you did it! Now…what is it supposed to mean???

Each of the cards represents a different month of the year. As you can guess, the first one is January, the second is February, following the shape to finally end in December. 

One of my personal fave elements of tarot is how it speaks to one big narrative. So as you study your own reading, just think of it like the cosmos’ very own Insta story for your coming year.

Especially in a spread like this, I also like to pay special attention to major versus minor cards, which differentiate between the potentially more significant/thematic life events & menial day-to-day happenings; as well as reversed/upside down cards, which represent lesser, opposite, impending or sometimes even blocked energies – as opposed to the more straightforward  interpretations as represented by their normal, upright counterparts.

But before you get ~too far~ down that rabbit hole, don’t forget that lone, little guy at the bottom! Twelve cards later, this last card is supposed to encompass our overall, personal theme for the year. And for as tempting as it might be to take it all in one card at a time, it can be extremely insightful to use that final card as a master lens to assess all the rest.

So take notes! Take a pic! Pin it on your wall & buy a brand new deck! Do whatever you have to do to keep your own spread in mind & have fun seeing how it plays out throughout the year.

Rumor has it 2020 is bound to be a wild one. So what’s on tap for you?

xxAA

SPOOKY-SWEET BAT SUGAR COOKIES

OCTOBER HAS LANDED – in case you hadn’t heard.

Meaning it’s time for fuzzy blankets, scary movies and the two official food groups of fall: soup and cookies! (though not always in that order)

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from cookie baking so far, it’s that a stand mixer is not only chic but a total game-changer…and our oven is utter trash.

TRASH, I SAY

I know there’s plenty of you guys out there that still rent, too. Which is fine and all – except when you get stuck with a 30-year-old oven. And I’m NOT talking about the type that’s so well made it lasts forever.

Alas, this snuggly baking season I knew something had to be done. We’ve had enough of toying with temperature and guessing how much extra time to tack onto recipes. So in true Alton Brown fashion, we finally rigged up a probe thermometer to take charge of the heat before us.

And luckily, it worked! So say hello to fall and the fun Halloween-themed recipes that come along with it. Starting with some ultra glam, amazingly cute, bat-shaped sugar cookies!

Let’s be real, bats are the true self-care icons. Avoiding daylight and hugging themselves as they sleep – I mean, talk about serious #goals. So to kick off this year’s festivities, we’re embracing that spooky sentiment AND exploring a simpler alternative to those expertly iced cookies you see all over Instagram.

Which mark my words, we’re totally working up to. But in the meantime, just making the most of sanding sugar and micro-sprinkles that still can elevate the aesthetic – no Amber Spiegel skills required.

Shall we?

// THE COOKIES //

++ Whisk the flour, cornstarch, baking powder and salt together in a medium mixing bowl.

++ Throw the softened butter and sugar into the bowl of your stand mixer with its paddle attachment. Mix on medium-high for 3 to 5 minutes until pale, light and super fluffy (all of the air will make for incredibly soft, pillowy cookies).

++ Add the beaten egg/milk and vanilla extract to the butter/sugar and mix for another minute on medium-high.

++ Add the dry ingredients to the wet and mix on a slow speed JUST until combined into a smooth dough (you do NOT want to over-mix here – unless you love tough cookies and hate fun).

++ Throw down a piece of lightly floured parchment paper and spoon half of the dough onto it. Form it into a ball and ((g e n t l y)) roll it out to a 1/4-inch thickness. Set aside.

++ Do the same thing with the other half of dough, sandwich a piece of plastic between the two, wrap it all in plastic and stick into the refrigerator to chill for at least 1 to 2 hours (& up to two days, so I’m told).

++ Once you’re ready to bake it up, preheat your oven to 350℉ and remove the two sheets of dough from the fridge.

++ Line some room-temp baking sheets with more parchment paper (time to buy stock in Reynolds?) and begin cutting your bats. If the dough sticks to the cutter, ~~carefully~~ push the shape onto the baking sheet. If it stays on the parchment paper, use a spatula to transfer it to the sheet.

++ Make sure the cookies are placed an inch or two from one another (even though they won’t spread) and bake each sheet one at a time for 9 to 11 minutes until the bats start to lightly brown around the edges (seriously, it’s WAY better to under-bake than over-bake them).

++ Remove sheet from the oven and throw in the next round. Let the cookies cool for a few minutes on the sheet, then use a spatula to transfer them to a wire rack for the ~full~ cool ahead of icing.

// THE ICING // 

PSA in advance: consistency is EVERYTHING

++ Add the powdered sugar, meringue powder and water to a medium mixing bowl and whisk by hand for about 5 minutes. (NOTE: plenty of people use a mixer for this. I personally like to do it by hand – not only for the workout – but because it gives you way more control over the sometimes-tricky consistency.)

++ Test the consistency of your icing, which when lifted up should drizzle back down and smooth out within 10 seconds. If too thick, add a touch (and I mean t o u c h) more water. If too thin, add some additional sugar. 

++ Load the icing into a squeeze bottle or piping bag and ice the completely cooled cookies all over.

++ Figure out your color combos of sanding sugar and sprinkle accordingly while the icing is still wet. 

++ Let dry & ENJOY!

Consider this the first of many more spooky sweets to come. Until then…

xxAA

THE EASIEST DIY CHOKERS EVER

Does anyone else have a weird relationship with jewelry?

I mean, it’s cool. It’s classic. Almost all of the older women in your life are super into it. But there’s still just something about it that’s always been a little tricky, if you ask me.

The cheap stuff these days isn’t really all that cheap. Finding the right piece can take a lifetime. AND when it comes to traveling, it’s hard not to worry that it will all meet an unfortunate demise of pulverization in your suitcase! Regardless if it’s the TSA’s “fault” or not…

But – there’s no denying it IS a killer way to elevate almost any outfit. So that’s what has always made me want to find a way to make it work.

Enter: TRIM. Something you may or may not be familiar with, although get ready, ‘cause it’s about to become your new best friend! Mainly due to the fact it’s inexpensive, customizable AND totally manageable for any DIYer – no matter how well you do (or don’t) know your way around a needle and thread.

Amazing, right?

Another perk is that by using trim, you can design the necklace however intricate or basic you please. Break it up with additional jump rings to create a cool look – or keep it super simple yet chic and edgy with the choker alone. But either way, you can throw it around without having to think t w i c e.

Seriously! Suitcase, gym bag, purse—it’s all NO match for this mighty accessorizing hack.

So let’s jump into it!

// WHAT YOU NEED //

+ A piece of trim

+ Curb chain

+ Needle & thread

+ Your choice of closure (I use a hook & eye)

// STEPS //

++ Measure the amount of trim you need based on your neck size, leaving 1/4 to 1/2 inch extra on each end. Remember, you want it to fit like a choker without, you know, actually choking you.

++ Take one end of the trim, fold the extra section back and sew it down to create a neat, fray-free edge. If your trim has a lot of metal embellishment like mine, you’ll probably need to hand sew it; however, if you want to use a sewing machine to zig-zag stitch it instead, be my guest!

++ Repeat on the other end, then double check that the finished length still comfortably fits your neck (i.e. didn’t accidentally get shortened too much in the process).

++ Take your choice of closure and hand sew a piece to each end.

++ Figure out how you want to position the curb chain, then hand-sew each end of it onto the back of the trim (but not too close to the bottom edge or else you run the risk of it sagging).

++ Voila! Enjoy your super-cute, new favorite accessory. 

// PROTIPS //

++ Whenever hand sewing things like this, I almost always opt for button/craft or upholstery thread instead of regular all-purpose, because it has that nice extra dose of durability. 

++ I personally like to use hook & eyes for necklaces because they feel the most secure to me, but you can totally use whatever works best for you! Snaps, velcro – even a safety pin can do the trick if sewing REALLY isn’t your forte & you want to spare the band-aids. 

++ All in all, the most important thing is to keep measuring as you go, juuust to make sure it doesn’t end up being too small. If you want to be safe, always lean toward keeping the trim slightly longer than you need, since you can always stitch together a gathered section of it in the back to tighten the necklace at the very end. No one will ever see it – and your secret will always be safe with us.

Let us know how it turns out for you! 

xxAA

EVERYONE RELAX, IT: CHAPTER TWO JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST FEARLESS KING ADAPTATION YET (SPOILER-FREE)

For horror nerds, this past week marked a much-anticipated end to an agonizing wait.  

It’s been two years since Andy Muschietti’s IT (2017) floated into our hearts – and nightmares. Especially since it also went on to become the highest grossing horror film of all time after dethroning the then-long-reigning champion, The Exorcist.  But for many (me included), the recent release of It: Chapter Two marks an even longer awaited milestone.  Like a comet passing Earth or cryptid encounter – this is a rarely seen event: an actually accurate adaptation of a Stephen King story.  

Please, please, please – Hollywood – don’t fuck this part up!

Image Source: IMDB/Brooke Palmer/Warner Brothers Entertainment

It’s obvious that even the most casual horror fan remembers the beloved IT made-for-TV miniseries from 1990 that has become a cult favorite.  And while that adaptation was an honorable attempt to tell the 1,300-page horror opus, the fact that the ABC network produced and broadcasted the two-night event pretty well guaranteed that many of the darker, violent, and more sexual elements of the story wouldn’t make the cut.  

Now, don’t get me wrong – Tim Curry as Pennywise will never be forgotten.  At the very least, that element of terror from King’s story was definitely retained in the miniseries.  Hell, it’s the biggest thing most horror fans remember about it! How badass his take on the infamous dancing clown truly is.  

Tim Curry as Pennywise | Image Source: IMDB/Warner Brothers Television/ABC

But when it comes to anyone that’s read the book, it’s a little different. Those readers don’t walk away from the ending only retaining the scary parts—they remember the Losers. They remember all the heart that King poured into his prose, literally hundreds of pages developing the soul-bonds of the Losers.  Bonds that made them magical.  Magical enough to defeat “The Eater of Worlds”.   

Twice, technically.  

These kids become your friends. Because these kids become you. Each one a reflection of real-life childhood love, fear, aspirations, and trauma that each one of us can relate to. And to their credit, the young adult cast from the ‘90s version is incredible.  Honestly, both adaptations nailed the first, adolescent-focused timeline; but in regard to the OG miniseries, its portions featuring the adults unfortunately seemed to fall flat in a lot of people’s eyes.  

Well, almost all of the adults.

Point being when it comes to telling the latter part of Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Eddie, Mike and Stan’s story, the struggle has always been real.  Since in the book – things get…weird.  

Like real weird.  On a cosmic/mystic level.  

So viewers who only know the story from watching the miniseries probably don’t know how meta King really gets. Which makes any kind of authentic adaptation for the masses damn-near impossible.  

Although, that’s what separates Muschietti’s films from other Stephen King remakes of the past.  

IT has never really had an accurate cinematic telling.  And I can already hear the outcry from the T.C. Pennywise fans, but we – the horror community – needed this!  We pined for Chapter Two to not only be weird (I’m talking Ritual of Chud), but that it be scarier than the first film, too.  

And I’ll be damned if the movie doesn’t deliver on all of these points.  

Image Source: Twitter

In the same way that Chapter One’s cast made the world fall in love with the young Losers’ Club, Chapter Two only reinforces that affection.  Seriously, the adult cast could not have done a better job of honoring their younger counterparts as well as the characters from the original page. 

And this is why the Muschietti films just might be the best Stephen King adaptation to date.  I know – bold words.  But anyone who doesn’t identify as a “Constant Reader” probably won’t know the author’s deep, dark secret…

The King of Horror is a great, big softy. (If you don’t believe me, just check out his Instagram).  

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2F1ZLDJDrL/

A sweet-hearted nerd with a passion for standing up against bullies of all shapes, sizes and Lovecraftian form.  This truth is something that Hollywood sadly doesn’t always capture; and instead, just milks the creepy while skipping the heart and soul. (I’m looking at you Dreamcatcher!)

Though to be fair, Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption are beloved by the mainstream; however, neither are particularly horrific in their plot.  Dark?  For sure. But not night sweat-inducing by any means.  

But IT… 

IT is different.  If any one book of his could be used to describe his entire thematic life’s work, IT could easily be the top contender. The imagery is true stuff of horror: children being eaten alive by a shapeshifting monster with a million-year-old backstory.  Jeez, that’s hardcore.  And on the flip side, the prose equally captures the joy of life-long friendships, the pain of navigating young adulthood and how some of that trauma can sometimes haunt us long into adulthood. Whether we realize it or not.

Embed from Getty Images

Which is why, regardless of the Rotten Tomato score or the number of IMDB stars the movie ultimately ends up with, Andy Muschietti and his creative team should be proud. IT: Chapter Two successfully walks a razor-sharp tight rope between these contrasting emotional elements from King’s novel, quite possibly making it the most successful Stephen King film to-date.  

You’ll scream, you’ll laugh, and you’ll cry.  But honestly, what more could you ask for from the film version of the greatest horror novel of all time? 

Although just to be safe, I still wouldn’t watch it alone.

xxKF 

(((Feature Image Source: IMDB/Warner Brothers Entertainment/New Line)))

HATCH CHILE SAUSAGE TART

Hellooooo from Texas!

For this latest installment of recipes we’re newly obsessed with, I’m coming to you live (well, sort of) from our homelands of the Lone Star State.

It’s crazy to think it’s been almost four years since finishing school and kickstarting a new chapter in sunny Los Angeles, but I guess that’s why they always say time is good at flying.

OK, but enough about that – it’s onto the main event. Our Hatch Chile Sausage TART!

Now, admittedly I’m relatively ~new~ to the tart scene. I’ve baked several pies for office contests and made plenty of warm, flaky biscuits, too. So taking those skills to the ring of tart creation feels like the next logical step. Right? And this one you won’t want to skip out on, guaranteed. Mainly thanks to all of the Hatch Chile goodness inside. 

I guess it was Andy Williams that always said Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year. But if you ask me? I think Hatch Chile season is a pretty solid contender for second. Sauces, breads, cheese, chocolate—you name it, there’s a hatch version of it. And while all of these products are fantastic on their own, subbing Hatch varieties of our run-of-the-mill fave ingredients can take so many recipes to a mind-b l o w i n g next level.

So without further ado, here we go on this year’s Hatch-infused adventure!

OK also – if you just want to use a pre-made crust (and by all means, we totally understand that sane and practical decision), then you can totally skip ahead in the recipe below. But if you want to roll out the red carpet for god-knows whatever reason like me, then prepare for the buttery ride of your life!

// THE DOUGH //

++ Cut the butter into small cubes, then place in a bowl and set inside the freezer for about 20 minutes. (Keeping everything cold is key)

++ Meanwhile, stir the flour, sugar and salt together in a large mixing bowl.

++ After the butter chills, add it to the mixing bowl as well. 

Did I mention I was at my parents’? Hello Melamine bowl from the ’50s…

++ Cut the butter into the dry mix using a pastry cutter (or two forks, or a food processor) until flour is coated and approximately the size of a pea.

++ Take your ice (ice-baby) cold water and stir into the mixture about 2 tablespoons at a time. You’ll see the dough start to stick together and want to continue adding until it comes together like a dough – sticky, but not crazy moist.

++ Once you have a full-fledged ball of dough, place it on a lightly floured cutting board and gently fold some additional flour into the dough. Form the dough into a ball, flatten the ball into a disk (maybe an inch or so thick), wrap it in plastic and throw it into the fridge to chill! About two hours – at least.

// POST-INITIAL CHILL //

++ Once you’re ready to shape your tart, retrieve the dough from the fridge and place it back onto the floured cutting board. Slowly and steadily, roll it out with a rolling pin starting from the center, working your way out. Continue adding flour as needed to prevent sticking, and remember that periodically rotating the dough can help to get an even thickness all the way around.

++ As soon as you see the dough is big enough to fit your tart pan (mine was 11 inches), carefully (((carefully))) lift your dough and place in the pan. Gently press your dough to fit the pan’s form.

++ When the dough is entirely shaped, use a paring knife to slice off the extra edges around the top so it fits the pan’s form just right. But don’t get ahead of yourself – stash the extra dough on the side…

++ For any sections of the outer crust that you notice might be thinner than the rest, tear off and press some of the extra dough into these areas so that you have an even thickness around the entire circumference.

++ Once it’s good to go, wrap the entire, superbly shaped crust in plastic once again to chill in the refrigerator for another at least 30 minutes. Preheat the oven to 400℉ (or 375 if using a convection oven).

// READY FOR PAR-BAKING //

++ OK, it’s go time! Take your freshly chilled crust, unwrap it, gently place a piece of parchment paper over the top and fill the crust with pie weights (or dried beans, pennies, and whatever else the Internet says is a worthy sub to prevent bubbles and shrinkage).

++ Place it into the preheated oven to bake for about 15 minutes. Then, remove the parchment paper and weights, use a fork to stab a few holes in the base to allow for air release and return it to the oven.

++ Since we’re only partially blind-baking the crust (for future reference, this guide is a life-saving resource), let it go for another 8 or so minutes, just until it starts to brown. Remove from oven and let C O O L. 

++ Bump the oven temp down about 25 degrees.

// WHILE IT PAR-BAKES //

++ We need to make the filling! Granted, this could easily be done in advance to save some time (and potential anxiety) whilst marathoning the epic dough, but it’s all totally up to you. 

++ Take the sausage out of its casing and brown in a skillet over medium heat until it’s cooked through. Use a slotted spoon to remove the meat and place it into a large bowl. Add the diced tomato, cheese, garlic, parsley, salt ‘n’ peppa to the large bowl.

++ In another bowl, whisk the eggs, cream and splash of milk together; then add this mix to the sausage mix and stir them both together well. 

// THE BIG FINISH //

++ Once the crust is relatively cool to the touch, use a slotted spoon to scoop the filling into the crust. Once you have the entire sausage/tomato mix spread evenly in the pan, carefully pour the remaining liquid, stopping just shy of it overflowing.

++ Return the filled crust back to the oven (uncovered) for about 15 to 20 minutes, until the crust is golden brown and the eggs in the filling are set.

++ Carefully remove the tart from the oven and let it cool for about 10 minutes before slicing.

Buttery, flaky, spicy…and kind of amazingly reminiscent of pizza – this is one tart that’s sure to wow.

Just be sure to watch your fingers when devouring.

xxAA

WELCOME TO MSFT LIVING

To all the misfits and mystics;

Oddballs and outcasts; 

Freaks, geeks, goths and punks;

Star seeds, old souls, boundary-pushers and ragers against the grain.

To anyone who’s ever felt out of place in your place: hello! And welcome home.

A home of culture and creativity infused with unconventional design and inspiration, now officially known as MSFT Living.

And we have to admit, it’s been a pretty long time in the making. But to finally be launched, live and ready to thrive – we couldn’t be more thrilled to have you all along for the wild ride.

xxAA