6 OF THE BEST CHRISTMAS HORROR MOVIES THAT’LL CHILL YOU TO THE BONE

Beware, misfits, the terrifying truth is real –

It’s Kevin here to remind you there’s less than two (I repeat, TWO) weeks left before it’s time to light the Yule log & ring in the Winter Solstice! Which also means there’s only a mere two weeks left to prepare for all of the chaos that traditionally comes with Christmas / Hanukkah gatherings as well.

But – if chaos for Christmas happens to be on your wishlist (you know, in an innocent, voyeuristic kind of way), then here’s a list of our top holiday horror movies that are sure to keep you up all night:

Krampus (2015)

Anyone who grows up believing in Santa knows there’s nothing scarier than ending up on his “naughty” list. And if you ask us, it’s this very fear that’s never been more cleverly captured in such a funny & horrifying way than in Michael Dougherty’s Christmas classic, Krampus.  

When a dysfunctional family’s bickering & fighting causes a young boy to basically say “screw Christmas,” he unknowingly unleashes an ancient evil entity in the form of Father Christmas…but not. Think more like the antithesis of ol’ Santa, one that comes to punish & abduct bad boys, girls – & adults, too.

Featuring a hilarious cast, themes of selflessness & sacrifice, plus some pretty damn scary Christmas-themed demons, this is a must watch for any true horror fan this Christmas.

Black Christmas (1974)

It’s the beginning of winter break for a group of sorority sisters when they begin to receive disturbing phone calls…& then bodies begin to pile up.  

Considered to be one of the first (yet lesser known) slasher films, this movie is most often remembered for its creative kills just as much as its creepy ending. But it also went on to inspire another little holiday horror classic known as John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978), a less than stellar remake in the 2000s & another remake released just YESTERDAY, on Friday the 13th.  

So if you have any interest in catching the new film, why not first give the O.G. a revisit?

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Now, what exactly happens when a young boy watches his parents get murdered by a madman in a Santa suit? Well, apparently there’s a good chance he becomes a tormented, yet bizarrely handsome young man who ultimately snaps on Christmas Eve to don a Santa suit & wage a bloody war on innocent people. As told by this wacky, gory & laughably bad (but great but still bad) cult classic.  

As we all may or may not remember, it was this Christmas Evil-rip off that famously brought the hate & ire of middle-class ’80s parents due to TV ads & posters depicting killer Santa swinging an axe (who knew he was so ahead of his time?)! So if culty, campy & crazy suits your fancy, then most def give this B-movie a look-see.  

Better Watch Out (2016)

Did you ever watch Home Alone & think that in some ways it was pretty horrifying? Seriously, we’re talking home invasion, a child being tormented & neglected by his parents, copious amounts of physical violence, & let’s not forget – that scary AF furnace in the basement.  

With this perspective in mind, the creators of Better Watch Out were able to present a smart & subversive take on the ‘90s classic (& not to mention, some of its now-famous tropes). But more over, Better Watch Out is fueled by excellent performances by its two leads & ultimately becomes a poignant social commentary on pre-teen violence & toxic masculinity.  

So all in all, this is a fun one for the “woke” crowd just as much as the gore & horror hounds. But, in a way that’s effective, entertaining & surprisingly not obnoxious (despite what I know you’re surely thinking).

Gremlins (1984)

Ah, the movie that shows us what it would look like if Roger Corman directed a Frank Capra story.  

One part It’s a Wonderful Life & one part midnight creature-feature, this timeless Christmas treasure never seems to get old. Each year new children are delighted to meet the adorable little Mogwai known as Gizmo, only to be horrified shortly thereafter by what pops out of him when he’s mishandled.  

Hands down, it has some of the best practical puppet effects of any monster movie to date. So if you’re looking for a fun & scary movie for the whole family this Christmas, there’s no reason to not revisit this timeless classic.

A Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

If you’ve ever set foot inside a Hot Topic, then you know the slew of merchandise based on this beloved, stop-motion musical masterpiece. And while the great debate continues over whether it’s ~technically~ a Halloween versus Christmas movie, there’s never a wrong time to journey back to Halloween Town. 

Watching Jack Skellington & his ghoulish friends try to deliver a macabre Christmas to the rest of the world, only to discover that Santa’s boots are a lot harder to fill than it looks – it truly never gets old. And with a musical score that will forever resonate in your head for days, this is a must-watch for any gothling at heart who’s looking to bring a little spooky into their holiday season.  

We all know that Christmas can get a little overwhelming, but these movies are a sure-fire way to bring a touch of horror-fun into the mix this Yuletide season.  

So stay scarier than the dark, friends! And happy holidays to you, all my msft party people.  

xxKF

31 FOR 31 HORROR MOVIE MARATHON: THE RESULTS

How time flies, right?

Just when you think (hope) October would last forever, we’re already 1/6th of the way through November! You know, also known as that time of year when you blink – it’s Thanksgiving. Then walk downstairs – it’s Christmas. Lay down for a quick nap – HELLO, PRESIDENTS’ DAY MATTRESS DEALS. 

Insanity, I’m telling you.

But with the month now behind us, that also means our annual 31 for 31 horror movie fest is over. And for as tré tradge as that always is, it’s fun gathering round after the fact to debrief, reminisce and game plan for next year. Especially since this past round is going to be a pretty hard one to beat!

Between work, a little sleep and counting the days until My Chem announces their inevitable REUNION WORLD TOUR – everyone’s busy. So it’s no secret that watching 31 movies in 31 days is always a pretty tall order. But this by FAR is the best we’ve ever done! Of course, it’s not like we went in order, but any which way you put it, nothing can take away from the ghoulish gold that was this year’s selections.

Let’s review …

THE MOST COUNTERINTUITIVE: SAW II & III

Last year’s marathon featured the first godfather of torture porn installment: SAW. So it only made sense that we keep rolling with the pitiless punches, considering there’s a whole lot more to this series than the average public often assumes.

If you can get over the layers of notoriously gory shock value, there’s a seriously interesting message behind the premise as a whole. Sure, you have a dude talking through a little clown puppet on a tricycle – but think of him like…an ethical boogie man. Here to put you into check when (& how) you least suspect it through some pretty gnarly lessons of gratitude and perspective. Which, even though we’re still having a few nightmares about that needle pit, there’s definitely something to be said for the chill-filled thought exercise.

And also, that soundtrack.

THE GUILTY PLEASURE: HELL HOUSE, LLC II & III

Yet another rendition of the classic “found footage” style, the Hell House, LLC series is far from the most quality of cinematic experiences – but it is super, SUPER fun.

All in all where these three low-budget beauties legit differ from the block-busting franchises that came before them is cohesion. Even though the jury’s still out on whether it was all actually calculated from the start, the second and third editions convincingly build upon the debut film just as much as they do each other. Which is a relatively noble feat – especially in the world of horror.

So whenever in the mood for something fun and tense, yet ominous with a few nightmare-inducing clowns to boot, then the Hell House, LLC trilogy totally has you covered.

THE MOST UNDERRATED: TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL

They always say that horror and comedy are two sides of the same coin. So when it works it ~works~, as proven by two well-intentioned Hillbillies just trying to save some college kid lives.

Featuring all the people you always recognize but never remember from what, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was definitely an unexpected smash hit of the roster. It’s loaded with tons of literally laugh out loud moments, plus an ending that guarantees all the feels. And also now that we think about it, basically the same life lessons you learned from the Muppets. Just with a slightly darker, more PBR-friendly backdrop. 

THE SMARTEST: SCREAM

The second after we finished the first Scream, I asked Kevin why I hadn’t seen this until NOW. His answer: you have to have seen a hefty dose of horror before fully appreciating the meta mastery of the franchise.

But seriously. Claiming its fame by reviving slasher vibes from the dead, Scream is obviously so much more than just the inspiration behind one of the best episodes of Boy Meets World ever. With an entire plot based around citing troupes of the genre that also happens to be the very world they live within, it makes for a super smart, self-aware and clever take on a sub-genre that was on a now-surprising verge of collapse.

In fact, it was SO great that we even replaced one of the originally slotted movies with Scream 2 – because love. And love to psycho, baby Timothy Olyphant.

THE MOST…JUST NO: CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST

I mean, need we say more? Within the grindhouse scene, pretty much everyone’s heard of Cannibal Holocaust in some shape or form. So for all the infamously graphic, anthro-audacity that comes along with the territory, it had to make its debut on the list at some point. And it did – and we’re over it.

Sure, deeper message totally gotten. But after about the fifth brutal animal slaying and 20-minute playing out of events that could have been condensed into about three, been there done that and now we’re happy to move on.

LASTLY, THE BIGGEST SURPRISE: ANACONDA

And not in a bad way!

All we’re saying is when would you have ever expected to see Ice Cube, J-Lo and Owen Wilson converge on the same screen? And in a snake-hunting, Amazonian-safari-cruising, thoroughly ’90s horror movie, no less.

Ahh, what a year. Now time to spill what horror flicks are running faves in your book!

xxAA 

THIS YEAR’S ANNUAL 31 FOR 31 HORROR MOVIE MARATHON

Well Misfits, our favorite time of year is upon us once again.

That time of year when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead begins to thin…along with the gap between our waistline and bellies (thanks a lot, trick ‘r treat candy).  

Yes – it’s All Hallows’ Eve!  

To some the scariest time of year – but to us…arguably the most freeing.  When we can embrace the spooky vibes and let our freak flags truly fly. Whether it’s dancing in the moonlight, chanting spells of empowerment or getting wasted in drag at the West Hollywood Halloween parade – hey, to each their own!

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my feelings on it being almost October 💀(#tbt to this skeleton dance party art)

A post shared by Robin Eisenberg (@robineisenberg) on Sep 26, 2019 at 12:48pm PDT

But in all seriousness, this is a time to relish in traditions.  Regardless if it’s carving jack-o-lanterns to ward off evil spirits; or dressing up in overpriced costumes ever since some genius decided to turn an abandon Toys ‘R Us into a Spirit Halloween store—traditions are what make Halloween special.  As well as sacred.  

So of course, we here at Misfit Living have our own set of traditions that we couldn’t be more excited to chill your souls with, too (just wait ’til you see the Pumpkittens!!!).  But for now, I want to let you in on what’s probably our most favorite one.

Born out of the bowels of Reddit, this is the official, third-annual lineup for our 31 FOR 31 HORROR MOVIE MARATHON!

Although before you get ahead of yourself – no, this is not your AMC “FearFest” rip-off, and it sure as hell isn’t your Freeform “31 Days of Halloween.”  For the past couple of years I’ve taken it upon myself to personally curate a collection of the all-time greatest (and not so great) horror films to binge-watch over the course of October.  

So here’s what we have on tap for 2019:

Calendar graphic via Etsy

For this year in particular, we went with a couple of running themes that will be sure to leave you checking the corners of your apartment for a solid month straight.  

Beginning with “the sequel.”  Since we’ve been doing this ritual for two years now, it’s hard to fill every slot on the calendar with an “original” title, so we are doing a deep-dive into franchises that we hold near and dear to our cold, dead hearts.  Starting with Saw II & Saw III, then moving on to Hell House, LLC II & Hell House, LLC III.  Both series were spawned out of indie-horror darlings that fans could not get enough of, and while the sequels might not leave us biting our knuckles in the same ways at the OGs, they are bound to evoke some sort of resonant energies left behind from the first films.  

Next up, since we here at Misfit Living also consider ourselves true feminists (NOT the modern-day kind that need safe spaces to comfortably express their feelings), we champion the Final Girl. The girl that when backed into a corner, she picks up the knife, gun, or any other easily accessible object to beat her assailant into a quivering mess of blood and bones.  

We relish in seeing strong women overcome the nasty horrors of this world – and the other.  Which is why we’ve additionally included hits such as Wes Craven’s grindhouse classic Last House of the Left; Tarantino’s Death Proof; Shudder’s original film Revenge; the waaaaay ahead of its time, pre-#MeToo masterpiece Teeth; and possibly the most meta-horror film of the last two decades Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon.  

And of course from there, we also round things out with a solid mix of other classic horror genres, like witchcraft, body horror, vampires, monster movies, international horror, and more.

Image via Giphy

We look forward to keeping you updated on our progress throughout the month. Although full disclaimer: we have never fully completed the calendar.

However, we are feeling extra spooky, so severed fingers certainly crossed that this year will be different!

In the meantime, let us know some of your favorite Halloween traditions, and what horrifying movies you plan on watching between your fingers this month.  

As always… stay scarier than the dark.

xxKF