31 FOR 31 HORROR MOVIE MARATHON: THE RESULTS

How time flies, right?

Just when you think (hope) October would last forever, we’re already 1/6th of the way through November! You know, also known as that time of year when you blink – it’s Thanksgiving. Then walk downstairs – it’s Christmas. Lay down for a quick nap – HELLO, PRESIDENTS’ DAY MATTRESS DEALS. 

Insanity, I’m telling you.

But with the month now behind us, that also means our annual 31 for 31 horror movie fest is over. And for as tré tradge as that always is, it’s fun gathering round after the fact to debrief, reminisce and game plan for next year. Especially since this past round is going to be a pretty hard one to beat!

Between work, a little sleep and counting the days until My Chem announces their inevitable REUNION WORLD TOUR – everyone’s busy. So it’s no secret that watching 31 movies in 31 days is always a pretty tall order. But this by FAR is the best we’ve ever done! Of course, it’s not like we went in order, but any which way you put it, nothing can take away from the ghoulish gold that was this year’s selections.

Let’s review …

THE MOST COUNTERINTUITIVE: SAW II & III

Last year’s marathon featured the first godfather of torture porn installment: SAW. So it only made sense that we keep rolling with the pitiless punches, considering there’s a whole lot more to this series than the average public often assumes.

If you can get over the layers of notoriously gory shock value, there’s a seriously interesting message behind the premise as a whole. Sure, you have a dude talking through a little clown puppet on a tricycle – but think of him like…an ethical boogie man. Here to put you into check when (& how) you least suspect it through some pretty gnarly lessons of gratitude and perspective. Which, even though we’re still having a few nightmares about that needle pit, there’s definitely something to be said for the chill-filled thought exercise.

And also, that soundtrack.

THE GUILTY PLEASURE: HELL HOUSE, LLC II & III

Yet another rendition of the classic “found footage” style, the Hell House, LLC series is far from the most quality of cinematic experiences – but it is super, SUPER fun.

All in all where these three low-budget beauties legit differ from the block-busting franchises that came before them is cohesion. Even though the jury’s still out on whether it was all actually calculated from the start, the second and third editions convincingly build upon the debut film just as much as they do each other. Which is a relatively noble feat – especially in the world of horror.

So whenever in the mood for something fun and tense, yet ominous with a few nightmare-inducing clowns to boot, then the Hell House, LLC trilogy totally has you covered.

THE MOST UNDERRATED: TUCKER & DALE VS. EVIL

They always say that horror and comedy are two sides of the same coin. So when it works it ~works~, as proven by two well-intentioned Hillbillies just trying to save some college kid lives.

Featuring all the people you always recognize but never remember from what, Tucker & Dale vs. Evil was definitely an unexpected smash hit of the roster. It’s loaded with tons of literally laugh out loud moments, plus an ending that guarantees all the feels. And also now that we think about it, basically the same life lessons you learned from the Muppets. Just with a slightly darker, more PBR-friendly backdrop. 

THE SMARTEST: SCREAM

The second after we finished the first Scream, I asked Kevin why I hadn’t seen this until NOW. His answer: you have to have seen a hefty dose of horror before fully appreciating the meta mastery of the franchise.

But seriously. Claiming its fame by reviving slasher vibes from the dead, Scream is obviously so much more than just the inspiration behind one of the best episodes of Boy Meets World ever. With an entire plot based around citing troupes of the genre that also happens to be the very world they live within, it makes for a super smart, self-aware and clever take on a sub-genre that was on a now-surprising verge of collapse.

In fact, it was SO great that we even replaced one of the originally slotted movies with Scream 2 – because love. And love to psycho, baby Timothy Olyphant.

THE MOST…JUST NO: CANNIBAL HOLOCAUST

I mean, need we say more? Within the grindhouse scene, pretty much everyone’s heard of Cannibal Holocaust in some shape or form. So for all the infamously graphic, anthro-audacity that comes along with the territory, it had to make its debut on the list at some point. And it did – and we’re over it.

Sure, deeper message totally gotten. But after about the fifth brutal animal slaying and 20-minute playing out of events that could have been condensed into about three, been there done that and now we’re happy to move on.

LASTLY, THE BIGGEST SURPRISE: ANACONDA

And not in a bad way!

All we’re saying is when would you have ever expected to see Ice Cube, J-Lo and Owen Wilson converge on the same screen? And in a snake-hunting, Amazonian-safari-cruising, thoroughly ’90s horror movie, no less.

Ahh, what a year. Now time to spill what horror flicks are running faves in your book!

xxAA 

EVERYONE RELAX, IT: CHAPTER TWO JUST MIGHT BE THE MOST FEARLESS KING ADAPTATION YET (SPOILER-FREE)

For horror nerds, this past week marked a much-anticipated end to an agonizing wait.  

It’s been two years since Andy Muschietti’s IT (2017) floated into our hearts – and nightmares. Especially since it also went on to become the highest grossing horror film of all time after dethroning the then-long-reigning champion, The Exorcist.  But for many (me included), the recent release of It: Chapter Two marks an even longer awaited milestone.  Like a comet passing Earth or cryptid encounter – this is a rarely seen event: an actually accurate adaptation of a Stephen King story.  

Please, please, please – Hollywood – don’t fuck this part up!

Image Source: IMDB/Brooke Palmer/Warner Brothers Entertainment

It’s obvious that even the most casual horror fan remembers the beloved IT made-for-TV miniseries from 1990 that has become a cult favorite.  And while that adaptation was an honorable attempt to tell the 1,300-page horror opus, the fact that the ABC network produced and broadcasted the two-night event pretty well guaranteed that many of the darker, violent, and more sexual elements of the story wouldn’t make the cut.  

Now, don’t get me wrong – Tim Curry as Pennywise will never be forgotten.  At the very least, that element of terror from King’s story was definitely retained in the miniseries.  Hell, it’s the biggest thing most horror fans remember about it! How badass his take on the infamous dancing clown truly is.  

Tim Curry as Pennywise | Image Source: IMDB/Warner Brothers Television/ABC

But when it comes to anyone that’s read the book, it’s a little different. Those readers don’t walk away from the ending only retaining the scary parts—they remember the Losers. They remember all the heart that King poured into his prose, literally hundreds of pages developing the soul-bonds of the Losers.  Bonds that made them magical.  Magical enough to defeat “The Eater of Worlds”.   

Twice, technically.  

These kids become your friends. Because these kids become you. Each one a reflection of real-life childhood love, fear, aspirations, and trauma that each one of us can relate to. And to their credit, the young adult cast from the ‘90s version is incredible.  Honestly, both adaptations nailed the first, adolescent-focused timeline; but in regard to the OG miniseries, its portions featuring the adults unfortunately seemed to fall flat in a lot of people’s eyes.  

Well, almost all of the adults.

Point being when it comes to telling the latter part of Bill, Bev, Ben, Richie, Eddie, Mike and Stan’s story, the struggle has always been real.  Since in the book – things get…weird.  

Like real weird.  On a cosmic/mystic level.  

So viewers who only know the story from watching the miniseries probably don’t know how meta King really gets. Which makes any kind of authentic adaptation for the masses damn-near impossible.  

Although, that’s what separates Muschietti’s films from other Stephen King remakes of the past.  

IT has never really had an accurate cinematic telling.  And I can already hear the outcry from the T.C. Pennywise fans, but we – the horror community – needed this!  We pined for Chapter Two to not only be weird (I’m talking Ritual of Chud), but that it be scarier than the first film, too.  

And I’ll be damned if the movie doesn’t deliver on all of these points.  

Image Source: Twitter

In the same way that Chapter One’s cast made the world fall in love with the young Losers’ Club, Chapter Two only reinforces that affection.  Seriously, the adult cast could not have done a better job of honoring their younger counterparts as well as the characters from the original page. 

And this is why the Muschietti films just might be the best Stephen King adaptation to date.  I know – bold words.  But anyone who doesn’t identify as a “Constant Reader” probably won’t know the author’s deep, dark secret…

The King of Horror is a great, big softy. (If you don’t believe me, just check out his Instagram).  

https://www.instagram.com/p/B2F1ZLDJDrL/

A sweet-hearted nerd with a passion for standing up against bullies of all shapes, sizes and Lovecraftian form.  This truth is something that Hollywood sadly doesn’t always capture; and instead, just milks the creepy while skipping the heart and soul. (I’m looking at you Dreamcatcher!)

Though to be fair, Stand By Me and The Shawshank Redemption are beloved by the mainstream; however, neither are particularly horrific in their plot.  Dark?  For sure. But not night sweat-inducing by any means.  

But IT… 

IT is different.  If any one book of his could be used to describe his entire thematic life’s work, IT could easily be the top contender. The imagery is true stuff of horror: children being eaten alive by a shapeshifting monster with a million-year-old backstory.  Jeez, that’s hardcore.  And on the flip side, the prose equally captures the joy of life-long friendships, the pain of navigating young adulthood and how some of that trauma can sometimes haunt us long into adulthood. Whether we realize it or not.

Embed from Getty Images

Which is why, regardless of the Rotten Tomato score or the number of IMDB stars the movie ultimately ends up with, Andy Muschietti and his creative team should be proud. IT: Chapter Two successfully walks a razor-sharp tight rope between these contrasting emotional elements from King’s novel, quite possibly making it the most successful Stephen King film to-date.  

You’ll scream, you’ll laugh, and you’ll cry.  But honestly, what more could you ask for from the film version of the greatest horror novel of all time? 

Although just to be safe, I still wouldn’t watch it alone.

xxKF 

(((Feature Image Source: IMDB/Warner Brothers Entertainment/New Line)))

LIGHTS, CAMERA, CATNIP: 4 CATS THAT SHOW THEY’RE TAKING OVER HOLLYWOOD

For all my subliminal goth, feline fanatics out there, Happy Black Cat Appreciation Day!

While Cher is currently plotting her sashay across the keyboard to remind us that that’s every day in our household, we still love any excuse to celebrate the wisdom and wonder behind this greatly under-appreciated faction of the kitten squad at large.

Much to probably no one’s surprise, black cats have always held a special place in my heart; so when it comes to commemorating an occasion like this, you won’t ever have to twist my arm. But once I found out that this “holiday” was actually created to help dispel the reluctancy some people apparently have toward adopting our black, spooky and supposedly bad luck-ridden friends, I was all the more on board! If that’s even possible…

Although, because we love the fun, adorable and fascinatingly psychopathic essence that is cats SO much, it’s also hard to stop at just one type! And if you’ve been paying attention to pop-culture at all this past year, then you surely know that cats have been totally crushing it. And I mean CRUSHING it.

But whatever you do, please know I mean the actual cats of Hollywood…not the clowder of singing humanoid CGI we’re still scratching our heads over. 

Anyway – star-studded cases in point:

Salem | The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina

Kicking things off in true BCAD fashion, we have Salem! Who plays the stoic reinterpretation of Salem Saberhagen in Netflix’s The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (which is based on a comic book, based on a comic book).

Unlike the originally sassy, sarcastic, animatronic version from the ABC series we all know and worship, this Salem doesn’t talk. However, since actions speak 1,000 words, and he’s been known to swoop in and save Sabrina about that many times as well, this little guy’s talent is undeniable. 

And let’s be real, have you ever seen such a red carpet-worthy strut? 

Embed from Getty Images

Church | Pet Sematary

As for breakout actor of the year, there’s no question the award goes to Church—fuzzy staple of the remake of Stephen King’s ’80s classic Pet Sematary.

Now, part of what often makes a dramatic portrayal of the century is when actors are able to transform into someone that looks and behaves totally opposite to what they really are. So in the case of this pack of Maine Coon divas, that couldn’t be more true. Spearheading a lot of the scenes were two in particular: Tonic and Leo. And while Leo sadly passed away shortly after the film’s premiere (RIP!!!), Tonic is living his absolute best, well coiffed life. As we thankfully can keep tabs on through his fantastic Insta account.

Seriously, go follow it right now.

It’s also hard to believe that both of them are rescues, never before seen or trained for the camera. But to all of the Hollywood bigwigs out there, you best watch out for this natural who’s bound to be gracing the screen again in no time.

TONIC – Image Source

LEO – Image Source

Goose | Captain Marvel

Super heroes are currently all the rage. But when it comes to the seemingly endless cast of characters that make up the famed MCU, the true star is obviously Goose! The scene-stealing, eye-clawing, Tesseract-gobbling alien cat (spoiler alert?) who made his debut in Captain Marvel earlier this year.

For this masterful performance, we actually have a furry troupe of four to thank: Reggie, Rizzo, Gonzo and Archie. Reggie of which we saw the most since he was the “hero” cat used for most of the close-up and reaction shots. But before you go thinking these are your average stay-at-home kittens, think again! Reggie and Archie have quite the resumes themselves, previously taking the stage in Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight – with more projects inevitably on the horizon. 

Image Source

So there you have it. If there’s one thing that can somehow bring approximately 87.3% of our world together, it’s an unabashed love for these furry little murder machines we call fam.

But before you get too comfortable, don’t forget that Cat World Domination Day is just around the corner as well.

xxAA